| 02 - junior |
[Nov. 9th, 2010|03:48 pm] |
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i can't wait to be a junior next year, then i will be able to look forward and see that there is only 1 year left till i have my bachelors. 25 credits to go and i'll be there! i just got done writing a 7 page post lab for biology and now my brain hurts. i can't stand bio. nikki is gonna come over after she gets off work and we're gonna go get a bite. i'll also get to purchase my first drink at a bar. it's been 1 year and a half since i've had the privileged and i have yet to do it. now, to go buy ink! |
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| 01- stoned |
[Nov. 8th, 2010|09:56 pm] |
it has been quite awhile since i have even thought to write in a journal. however, with recent events i feel that if i record my thoughts, it will help in better analyzing. a week ago i "relapsed". the whole thing was a surprise in itself. i couldn't believe that i actually did it. i had thought for so long that i would be "sober" for the rest of my life. however, i always had this voice in my head question whether or not i was too young when i got sober. i mean, as youngins', we party, we experiment, and some harder than others. some, maybe not at all. but, when we take a look at the general population, most road signs are pointing to the party aspect of adolescence. i have no desire to be the person i used to be. with a lack of soul, ambition, really everything. i was such a different person from who i stand today. i used to be such a shape shifter. i was lacking in self and i have come to know myself over the past 3 1/2 years. you don't just lose that. i feel that i have arrived. i am where i want to be and just where i'm suppose to be. i'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason and if i am in fact an alcoholic, then this will just have solidly planted my roots in the earth... i will have grown. it will give me a new perspective which is what i'm ever seeking. i really feel that there has been an evolution of self and that in itself is exciting. i'm so glad i don't have to count the days anymore, the months, the years. it was such an exhausting experience to live in that AA life. we're all competing to say the "right" things and sound like we came from something so entirely fucked up, yet we're resilient. blah, blah, fucking blah. i sound so closed minded to that concept, that way of life, yet it has given me what i have today. however, as crazy as it would sound from that aspect in aa terminology, i just am feeling that i can concur whatever life puts in front of me. fuck it... i'm trying to sound of sensible about this but it may go entirely wrong.
ill just end it-- i'm stoned and don't really know what i'm talking about. |
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| guilty |
[Oct. 4th, 2008|11:31 am] |
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i took a drag off of a cigarette last night. it was gross. i'm glad i got that out of my system. |
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